I was reading Shauna Goya's Odds and Ends blog today and she posted an interesting blog. A British study apparently determined that your first relationship determines how you go into future relationships. If it was a really intense relationship, then you're more likely to use it as a benchmark for success and failure of other relationships so it can screw you really good. If it's just so-so, you don't look to it as being the holy grail and can proceed through other relationships with more of a level head.
I wonder if this is true or not? I would tend to agree with the study as your first love is your initial impression of what it is or isn't like, right? How can you not use it as a benchmark? Does this mean that people who hang on to those past relationships shouldn't be considered pathetic anymore? They're just very in tune with what they want/don't want. It's almost like their scientific about it.
But does hanging on to the past really hinder future relationships? I think it would only because if you're so focused on the past, then you definitely can't give 100 percent to the current relationship. You can't be half in, half out of a relationship and have it turn out okay. Interesting.
January 30, 2009
A Real-Life Fairy Tale
There once was a woman who dated a man for 17 years in hopes that they would someday get married. Her someday never came. The man broke the woman's heart by telling her that he no longer loved her. The woman was crushed beyond belief.
Within a blink of an eye, the woman learned that the man was married to another woman and that they were expecting a child. She fell into depression and drank heavily. Life and living just didn't seem to matter anymore. Eventually, she pulled herself together and got on with her life.
Many years later, a man came to Hawaii with his family. Since he knew the woman lived here and he would probably never ever return, he decided to look for her. He only had a very old picture of the woman and knew the building she lived in. Despite this, he went there in search of her.
He asked a haggard-looking lady who was sitting on a bench outside of the apartment if she knew the woman. The lady replied that she didn't but that the woman in the picture would be very happy to see him again. The man thought she was strange and moved on to ask the guards if they knew of the woman. He was referred to the welcome desk where they confirmed that the woman did have an apartment there but was renting it to tenants. He gave his number to them to give to her and left thinking he'd never find her.
The desk attendant called the woman and told her of the man that was looking for her. She was curious as she didn't know who he was or what he wanted. She called the number and discovered it was her love from a lifetime ago (actually a college sweetheart from over 30 years ago).
The man was stunned and elated that the woman called back. He asked her out for coffee and she accepted. They talked late into the night. When the man returned home, his wife was angry at him. With his marriage already on the rocks, the man clung to the fact that he had found the woman.
The man and his family returned to their mainland home, but he stayed in touch with the woman. When the man's marriage completely fell apart, he and his wife filed for divorce. He moved out of their home.
The man returned to Hawaii to see the woman. They vacationed on Maui and had a wonderful time. Eventually, the man asked the woman to marry him. She accepted and began packing her things to join him on the mainland. They anxiously await for the man's divorce to become final. The woman was never happier in her life than she is now.
====================
Unbelievable?
Yes.
Amazing?
Totally.
Slightly crazy?
Definitely.
True?
Yes.
As you all know by now, I'm not really one for romance and fairy tales. I'm cynical and realistic to the point of sometimes being overly pessimistic. But after hearing this story from a friend (the woman is her former co-worker who dropped in to say "bye" before she moved), my inner romantic Pisces self is clawing its way to the surface.
Mentally, I think this woman is out of her mind. The man isn't even fully divorced yet. She hasn't talked to him since college - many, many, many moons ago. How does she even know this guy isn't a psycho? I mean, he did leave his family vacation to look for her. He did hold on to a college photo of her. Does that not bring to mind the idea that he might be off his rocker?
But my heart is saying the complete opposite. This is a Lifetime movie come to life. It's got all the makings of a good plot - heartbreak, love lost, love found, people reunited. It couldn't get any better than this.
So I've been thinking - what would I do if put in this woman's shoes? Would I take the blind leap of faith, pick up and move to the mainland with this guy? Or would he and I just remain "friends."
It's an interesting thing to ponder. The woman in this situation is in her 50s or 60s (not quite sure) and I'm in my late 20s. Does age make a difference? Or does it purely depend on your personality? What does she have to lose? What do I have to lose?
To be honest, if it were me, I'd probably not move to the mainland with the man. But I'd want to. Therein lies the irony that is my life. I'm pretty sure it has something to do with fear - fear of change, fear of rejection, fear of being let down, fear of the unknown, fear of disappointment.
I'd like to think I'm a sensible girl, someone who thinks before she acts. After all, this has gotten me through a lot of things quite successfully. But it has also made me give up things too, things that may have been worth the risk (although, things always look better in hindsight, don't they?). It could be that I just have a morbid curiosity with pain and regret. (I must admit though that pain and regret are truly wonderful motivating forces for prolific writing.)
But, despite this, I guess way deep down inside I still have some kind of romantic hope that Lifetime movies can really come true. I don't know if they can come true for me, but this story about the man and the woman gives me hope. It's only a tiny glimmer, hidden deep inside so no one knows, but it's there.
Within a blink of an eye, the woman learned that the man was married to another woman and that they were expecting a child. She fell into depression and drank heavily. Life and living just didn't seem to matter anymore. Eventually, she pulled herself together and got on with her life.
Many years later, a man came to Hawaii with his family. Since he knew the woman lived here and he would probably never ever return, he decided to look for her. He only had a very old picture of the woman and knew the building she lived in. Despite this, he went there in search of her.
He asked a haggard-looking lady who was sitting on a bench outside of the apartment if she knew the woman. The lady replied that she didn't but that the woman in the picture would be very happy to see him again. The man thought she was strange and moved on to ask the guards if they knew of the woman. He was referred to the welcome desk where they confirmed that the woman did have an apartment there but was renting it to tenants. He gave his number to them to give to her and left thinking he'd never find her.
The desk attendant called the woman and told her of the man that was looking for her. She was curious as she didn't know who he was or what he wanted. She called the number and discovered it was her love from a lifetime ago (actually a college sweetheart from over 30 years ago).
The man was stunned and elated that the woman called back. He asked her out for coffee and she accepted. They talked late into the night. When the man returned home, his wife was angry at him. With his marriage already on the rocks, the man clung to the fact that he had found the woman.
The man and his family returned to their mainland home, but he stayed in touch with the woman. When the man's marriage completely fell apart, he and his wife filed for divorce. He moved out of their home.
The man returned to Hawaii to see the woman. They vacationed on Maui and had a wonderful time. Eventually, the man asked the woman to marry him. She accepted and began packing her things to join him on the mainland. They anxiously await for the man's divorce to become final. The woman was never happier in her life than she is now.
====================
Unbelievable?
Yes.
Amazing?
Totally.
Slightly crazy?
Definitely.
True?
Yes.
As you all know by now, I'm not really one for romance and fairy tales. I'm cynical and realistic to the point of sometimes being overly pessimistic. But after hearing this story from a friend (the woman is her former co-worker who dropped in to say "bye" before she moved), my inner romantic Pisces self is clawing its way to the surface.
Mentally, I think this woman is out of her mind. The man isn't even fully divorced yet. She hasn't talked to him since college - many, many, many moons ago. How does she even know this guy isn't a psycho? I mean, he did leave his family vacation to look for her. He did hold on to a college photo of her. Does that not bring to mind the idea that he might be off his rocker?
But my heart is saying the complete opposite. This is a Lifetime movie come to life. It's got all the makings of a good plot - heartbreak, love lost, love found, people reunited. It couldn't get any better than this.
So I've been thinking - what would I do if put in this woman's shoes? Would I take the blind leap of faith, pick up and move to the mainland with this guy? Or would he and I just remain "friends."
It's an interesting thing to ponder. The woman in this situation is in her 50s or 60s (not quite sure) and I'm in my late 20s. Does age make a difference? Or does it purely depend on your personality? What does she have to lose? What do I have to lose?
To be honest, if it were me, I'd probably not move to the mainland with the man. But I'd want to. Therein lies the irony that is my life. I'm pretty sure it has something to do with fear - fear of change, fear of rejection, fear of being let down, fear of the unknown, fear of disappointment.
I'd like to think I'm a sensible girl, someone who thinks before she acts. After all, this has gotten me through a lot of things quite successfully. But it has also made me give up things too, things that may have been worth the risk (although, things always look better in hindsight, don't they?). It could be that I just have a morbid curiosity with pain and regret. (I must admit though that pain and regret are truly wonderful motivating forces for prolific writing.)
But, despite this, I guess way deep down inside I still have some kind of romantic hope that Lifetime movies can really come true. I don't know if they can come true for me, but this story about the man and the woman gives me hope. It's only a tiny glimmer, hidden deep inside so no one knows, but it's there.
January 29, 2009
Drive Thru Comedian at Jack in the Box
The other day I stopped by Jack in the Box at the corner of Kapiolani and Ward before heading in to work and was surprised to see that they'd hired a comedian for the drive thru window. Not literally a comedian but a guy who can make me laugh at that early hour does have some skills.
The ordering process was normal, but when I pulled up to pay the SUV in front of me refused to move even though he already had his food. The driver proceeded to have a nice chat with the JITB employee. Hmm, weird, I thought.
When it was my turn, I finally realized why the SUV took so long at the window. The comedian/employee had a bright smile on and was very cheerful. He asked me if I wanted "ketchup, hot sauce, bloody mary, margarita or a massage" with my food. This threw me for a loop because I was just expecting to get my food and go. Normally there's not much more conversation other than "thanks." When I declined the alcohol at such an early hour, the comedian surprised me again by saying, "What about a massage?"
At this point I just had to laugh. As cynical as I am my immediate thought was, "is this guy on drugs?" But no, his eyes were focusing fine and there were no outward signs like twitching or unnecessary sweating. So the guy was just this much fun normally? Could this be?
I pondered this thought as I left and headed in to work. Could someone really be that happy and enjoyable at such an early hour as he worked a drive-thru window at a fast food company? Apparently so. So what was I complaining about being that I probably make more than him, don't have to stand on my feet all day and don't leave work smelling all greasy? Food for thought.
The ordering process was normal, but when I pulled up to pay the SUV in front of me refused to move even though he already had his food. The driver proceeded to have a nice chat with the JITB employee. Hmm, weird, I thought.
When it was my turn, I finally realized why the SUV took so long at the window. The comedian/employee had a bright smile on and was very cheerful. He asked me if I wanted "ketchup, hot sauce, bloody mary, margarita or a massage" with my food. This threw me for a loop because I was just expecting to get my food and go. Normally there's not much more conversation other than "thanks." When I declined the alcohol at such an early hour, the comedian surprised me again by saying, "What about a massage?"
At this point I just had to laugh. As cynical as I am my immediate thought was, "is this guy on drugs?" But no, his eyes were focusing fine and there were no outward signs like twitching or unnecessary sweating. So the guy was just this much fun normally? Could this be?
I pondered this thought as I left and headed in to work. Could someone really be that happy and enjoyable at such an early hour as he worked a drive-thru window at a fast food company? Apparently so. So what was I complaining about being that I probably make more than him, don't have to stand on my feet all day and don't leave work smelling all greasy? Food for thought.
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