You're My Exception

I just got through watching He's Just Not That Into You and have to say I'm a complete 'tard. Yeah, this is a romantic comedy but it really isn't. I mean, there wasn't a lot of that ooey gooey love stuff and yet I still feel all mushy inside. I'll even admit to a pathetic-sounding whimper and a sigh but don't let that get out.

In a less than stellar imitation of Tom Cruise in Jerry Maguire (I know Cruise didn't say these exact three words but they're three words nevertheless), Justin Long whips out this line:

"You're my exception . . . ."

Ok, ok, I guess the impact isn't the same unless you've seen the film and are a complete 'tard like me. But, these three simple words got me thinking about whether or not I'm the exception or the rule to this thing called love.

More and more people are waiting till later in life to settle down, so maybe my singledom is the rule these days. But will there ever be a time when the need to be in a relationship will arise sharply and I'll want to be the exception? If I wait too long, will all the chances pass me by leaving me without exceptions? Will there be a time when love becomes the rule and not the exception? Is this love thing something I should actively be pursuing, like the Gigi character in the film, regardless of if it's the exception or the rule?

So now what's a girl to do? It seems as though there are fewer and fewer options out there to find love in our island home. Case in point, the increase in online dating, speed dating and even a male auction (yes, for charity but still). I can only assume that as I get older, these opportunities will all but shrivel up and disappear.

But the things we'll do for love have absurdly increased over the years and almost do not seem natural anymore. Is that what it takes to find love? Putting yourself out there and letting it all hang loose - is that the exception or the rule?

Also, with the odds seriously skewed toward divorce it's hard to even consider marriage as a viable option these day. According to divorcerate.org, studies reveal the divorce rate in America for first marriages is 41%, second marriages is 60% and third marriages is 73%. With those kinds of odds, should marriage even be in the picture? Maybe love is all you need?



But, of course, this brings us back to the question of where do you find love? Is finding love the exception or the rule? Is online dating and speed dating the exception or the rule? Is even meeting a suitable companion the exception or the rule? Is the active pursuit for love the way to go or do you just wait for it to happen? Exception or rule?

Even after all of this, I'd stil like someone to tell me that I'm his exception to the rule.

Dinner Out Back

Tonight I had dinner at Outback Waikiki with my friend Wonder Woman, who I haven't seen in what seems like years. She's an old co-worker from my previous hell hole who I only worked with for about three months. However, during those three months of hard labor, we somehow formed a bond that can only be achieved through mutual suffering.

Anyway, Outback was pretty empty at 6 p.m. and we didn't have to wait at all. The service was good. We were the only table our server had at the time. They seem to have upgraded their menu. Then again, I haven't been to Outback in months and months. The bad part about the evening is that we had to pay $4.50 for parking, even when Outback validated.

WTF? We're not even in the heart of Waiks yet and the parking is outrageous. Isn't there supposed to be some kind of economic slump? Why don't they drop the fricken prices to lure people out of their homes? I'm completely frightened to think what the cost would've been if we hadn't validated.

All that aside, I had a nice three and a half hours of catching up with Wonder Woman. You're probably wondering why I call her that. Well, besides not wanting to name names, to me she is a perfect Wonder Woman.

She's the only girl I know who's really taken finding her one true love into her own hands and put herself out there trying to meet someone. I mean, she's done volunteering, blind dates, speed dating and even bought herself a man. No, not one of them gigs walking the street but a real, live fire fighter.

Last weekend, she was one of many girls who went out to Oceans808 and participated in the Burning Down the House fundraiser. I would've loved to go to this bachelor auction for the Susan G. Komen for the Cure, but alas, I had three fricken events that week/weekend. If I'd gone, I would've probably just been there for the eye candy. However, Wonder Woman was there for a purpose.

At the end of the night, she walked away with a gen-u-wine Honolulu fire fighter. Yuuummy! The bidding lasted about five bids and she walked away with him as her prize plus an awesome date package that included a dinner out at Haleiwa Joe's and a shark diving expedition. Isn't that crazy? I love that it's not a traditional date and is probably something regular peeps wouldn't choose as their first date. I'm biting my nails just waiting to get an update from her.

Anyway, her experience in the dating pool has gotten me thinking about just how far I am willing to go in the pursuit of love? I've gotta say that I'm probably a gutless biatch when compared to her. I wouldn't do half the stuff she's done just to find my true love.

It's probably more apathy than fear (or at least I think so), and that's gotta be one of the saddest things I've ever admitted to myself. I think I'm just way to comfortable in my life to bother making the effort. This is so wrong though, isn't it?

Big Brains Are Sexy

People, if you didn't already know, big brains are sexy. Ok, not literally big brains but intelligence, cleverness, smarts - you get the picture.

If you want to attract your future mate, all you need to do is this simple exercise for three to five minutes a day. Introducing SuperBrain Yoga.

Yeah, it might look silly. Yeah, you might feel silly doing it. Yeah, it quite possibly is silly. But wait to see who has the last laugh when you pull a hot bloke or skirt your first night out.

The List

Yesterday The A-Z Files on the The Advertiser asked the question, "What are/were your relationship deal breakers?" This got me thinking about how my List has changed over the years.

Oh, c'mon . . . don't tell me you've never heard of the List before. Alright, for those of you in denial, it's THE list of things that your ideal mate would and/or would not possess if all was right in this world.

I remember precisely putting my mental list of traits onto paper and, in essence, birthing this subconscience check list of boyfriend dos and don'ts. Man, I wish I could find that list. I bet it'd be a total trip to see some of the stuff on there. I'll have to set aside some time this Memorial Day weekend to look for it.

Anyway, what I do remember is that this list compiled by my 16- or 17-year-old self was quite complex and lengthy. In my mind, I had down to a tee what my perfect man would be. I wouldn't doubt that there were more than 100 things on this list. This is how specific I had been about my dream guy. Sadly, over time, I've had to let go of some of these things and be more flexible about this whole dating game thing.

Do you think that there's a correlation between getting older and letting go of your dreams? Is it just becoming wiser or is it settling?

Granted some of the things on my list were probably obnoxiously naive and superficial (hairstyle, how he wore a baseball cap, what cologne he wore, etc.), but I'm sure there were some good things on there as well (sense of humor, loyalty, honesty, possess a job, etc.).

Is it too much to hold on to most of the list or at some point do you just say to hell with it and scrap the list altogether? I think you still need to have some sort of standard or else why not date every Tom, Dick or Keoni, right?

Old Maid Syndrome

Is it bad that all I want to do these days is stay at home and watch a dvd or read a book? I don't have any urge to go out, socialize, do lunch with friends and all that good stuff that people my age live on.

I mean, I'll go out when invited and I enjoy the time spent with friends. It's just that I'm also perfectly fine kicking it at home curled up on the couch with a good book too.

This doesn't bode well for my mother, who is anxiously waiting for me to get the wedding ball rolling. It's the only thing she can hope for since I'm pretty anti-kids at this point. There's no use harping on that one so she's jumped on the "have you met anyone nice?" bandwagon. The answer to which is always no.

Well, let's put it this way. I'm not dragging any poor dude over to meet her until I've got him so good and drunk that he won't remember the encounter . . . oh wait, did I just say that? Let me revise that to until he's so whooped that she can't scare him away. Was that not better either?

That might sound all harsh but really, I'm just being honest. Like most girls, I fear (like I'm deathly afraid) that I'll one day turn into my mother. As the years pass, I am aware that this will inevitably be the case. There's no fighting it. There's no anti-mom cream invented yet. It's just the way it is.

It's not so much that I don't want any guy meeting her because of her (well, that's mostly true). The biggest reason is that if he sees her, he'll know that's where I'm heading and beat feet in the other direction. Sad but true.

But I'm jumping ahead. How am I supposed to meet anyone when I'm perfectly happy at home? And, no those bible thumpers are so not an option.

Quotes about Love and Dating

Read a hilarious post from the San Francisco Chronicle today about quotes on love and dating overheard on the street by regular people. You cannot make this up. It is so classic. My favorites are:

"You can't hurt me. I'm dead on the inside."
"That's OK. I'm a necrophiliac."
(Couple conversing in Hayes Valley, overheard by Jake Wood)

"Sorry, I'm short."
"That's OK, I'm shallow."
(Conversation between a couple on a dance floor, overheard by Lawrence Glendinning)

"That's why me and Roman Polanski have the same taste in women."
(Man to friend, overheard outside Savanna Jazz in the Mission by R. Guensche)

Have you heard anything ridiculous on the streets of Honolulu?

Teen Online Dating - Breaking News or Old News?

Today I read a Star-Bulletin article stating that online dating in gaining popularity among teens. My first thought was, "Hasn't this been going on since the advent of the internet?"

The times are different now than they used to be. Rarely are there social clubs that exist primarily to introduce students from one school to another as there were in the 1950s to 1970s. Kids and the internet go hand-in-hand, so of course online dating is prevalent.

Back when I was in high school, it was already a common phenomenon. This was before the technology of text messaging, back when pagers were the rage. Even though we didn't have texting, we had instant messaging (ICQ anyone?) and chat rooms (Does anyone remember Hawaii Chat Universe?). What else do you think teens were doing besides trying to meet new people and/or hook up?

Besides just trying to hook up, the internet was an opening for kids at different schools, and even different islands, to meet and get to know each other. Similar to today, you couldn't be completely positive that what you were being told was true. However, I think for the most part people were forthcoming (well, at least in my experience). I also think that we didn't really hold it against each other if there was a fib or two during chatting. We didn't seem to take it as seriously as adults would, and I think this is true for today's teens as well.

I know there are so many negatives that parents/adults harp on and on about when discussing internet use with their teens, but really, back then it seemed pretty safe to meet people with whom you had chatted. It was like the "Leave it to Beaver" era of online dating.

I've got to admit that I met a few really cool and interesting people via chatting online. Most of my friends could probably say the same. After a while of chatting and IMing, meeting in person just seemed natural. In fact, one of my best friends in high school was a guy I met at HCU. We talked on the phone, paged each other constantly and he even came with me to prom. My friends and I met his family and his girl friend. All in all it was a good experience that would not have happened without chatting.

So to say that online dating is gaining in popularity among today's teens is probably one of the least insightful things coming from today's media. Get with the program.

Hawaii Hot Spots for Singles?

While talking to my friend yesterday on our mini road trip, we, of course, got around to the topic of guys. With both of us being single, the chat hovered around where and how we are supposed to find Mr. Right. You don't have to say it. I already know what you're thinking - is there even a Mr. Right, especially with these marriage/divorce figures? Well, let's just be optimistic for once and say there is a Mr. (or Miss) Right for all of us. Now, where do you even begin to find him?

According to an Advertiser blogger, Harbor Court (formerly Palominos) is the place. But where else? I mean, we live on a rock in the middle of the sea, according to Justin Young. There's only so many places we can go, so many things we can do.



My friend recently went on a semi-blind date. She thought of it as just hanging out and getting to know her friend's co-worker. He apparently thought it was a date-date. In either case, she said it was enjoyable but no sparks. They might get a friendship out of it, might not.

Is this how it works? We're supposed to rely on friends of friends?

What happens if none of your friends are single? You know how it goes: married couples only seem to attract more married people. It's as if they've all turned off their singles light like a yellow cab in NYC turns off its sign. It's almost like saying they're not taking any more singles fares.

Or, on the other hand, what if a bunch of your friends are all single? Wouldn't that be like the blind leading the blind? Single leading the single?

And no one wants to have to rely on their parents to set them up. God no! I'd rather die an old maid than have that ever happen.

So where are all the hot spots for Hawaii singles that don't involve exposure to accidently-on-purpose club rub, male ego stupidity or any other such nonsense? Where, oh where, is the Mr. Perfect for all of us?