Yesterday, while volunteering at JCCH, I spoke to another volunteer about her college plans. You see, she graduates from high school next week Saturday and is excited about her future. I vaguely remember feeling that same euphoria all those years ago. It was nice to bask in it again, if only for a half hour or so.
Anyway, she's going to OSU and talked endlessly about her hopes and what she expects college to be like. She talked about her worries about getting a roommate she'd like and the craziness that is dorm life. She pondered what there'd be to do since the campus is pretty much in the sticks. She said she wanted to get her driver's license before she left, just in case she'd be able to drive someone's car.
As she talked, I suddenly realized how long it's been since I've had that same feeling of wonder. At that point in life, there are endless possibilities out there for you. You don't quite know where your life will end up, but you're totally willing to see what happens. In fact, you rush toward your destiny with an impatience that others may view as reckless abandon. But to you, there's just no point in letting life happen to you. You'd prefer to interact with it, to embrace it. You grasp for that gold ring, hope things end well and leap with a faith that'll get you through even the worst.
When was the last time you lived with such fervor? When was the last time you walked toward the unknown, both eyes gleaming with anticipation? If you're like me, it's been a while. Stuck in your cubicles in a life-sucking void pretty much kills all of those feelings. Fighting against that bullshit bureaucracy that somehow has enveloped your entire life can be draining to say the least. When the hell did this become your life and why didn't you notice it before now?
I'm not saying to go jump off a cliff so you can feel that excitement again. I'm not saying to let go of all that you've become in order to reclaim your lost youth. I'm definitely not saying that. But what I am saying is why not still dabble in the amazing? Why not take risks that make you feel alive but won't necessarily kill you - at least not literally? Yes, you're older and wiser than you were before . . . but you're also probably a bit more well off, financially speaking, and can finally afford to do all those blue-sky dreams you rambled off when you were a broke college student.
The sad thing is that many of us are unlikely to do those things we planned while in some kind of drunken stupor. Even though we now have the time (be it just two weeks of vacation or not) and money, the inclination does not seem to be there. The youthful innocence we held only a few years ago has become just another casualty in life (along with eating cereal three meals a day and watching 24-hour marathons of your favorite sitcom). But why did we let it slip away so easily? Why do we continue to let it? Why not reinvigorate it and actually make things happen? What are we afraid of?
May 30, 2010
May 26, 2010
Disgruntled Much?
Lately I've realized that I'm becoming a lot more disgruntled at work. Most times I'm just there to punch the clock and don't have my heart and soul in the work. (Well, that's a bit deceptive because it implies that my heart and soul were once involved in the job when they really weren't.) I feel a lot more disconnected and find myself easily irritated by random things and people. Before I was able to dismiss or ignore them, but now I find that they just really bug me.
I'm not sure what I'm going to do about it. Besides actually landing a job in San Francisco, I don't think I want to find another job in town. Aside from these irritating events/people, my job provides very good benefits, I'm making enough to live and save a little and it's about a five-minute drive from my house. A girl can't complain about that especially when jobs are so scarce these days.
But despite all this, there's a growing restlessness inside me. One theory is that I've put off my quarterlife crisis for a few years and now it's just busting the door down and shouting to be heard. I don't really buy this though, because I swear I already had my quarterlife crisis (albeit a bit early) the semester before I graduated from college.
Another theory is that this disgruntled attitude has been fermenting ever since I walked through the door. Unlike other jobs where your expectations aren't dashed until several years later, this job doused my hopes after the first week or two. Apparently "enduring" isn't going to be enough anymore.
A third theory, which may be the most truthful of all, is that I'm just a product of my generation. I am not satisfied with an unfulfilling job where there is no communication, collaboration or creativity. I'm not satisfied with simpling doing my part and not being able to make a difference. I don't believe in the self-sacrificing, team-building B.S. that is pushed down our throats when management continues to be self-serving mercenaries. I don't like the top-down style of management and the conformity that is disguised by sprinkles of independence.
All of that is well and good, but now what should I do? For about as long as I've been toying with the idea of moving to San Francisco, another idea has been freestyling it throughout my brain. I've always thought it was completely unrealistic, but who's to say what is or isn't realistic? Society would have you believe only in convention and the normal hum-drum life. But what's "normal" these days anyway?
So this semi-crazy, vaguely irresponsible yet possibly thrilling and life-altering idea that's been passing in and out of my consciousness for about two years now is this: quit my job and travel full time. I don't even know how this is possible without using up my entire savings account. But dare I even think that it might just be worth it? After all, money is only money and can be made as quickly as it can be used.
With this idea constantly resurfacing (especially after bad days at work), I've continually looked for ways to make this happen, even as I tell myself that it's completely nuts. I keep reading blogs about people who have taken a career break and extended vacations. I keep trying to track down and assess how realistic their route, budget and travel distance are. I keep wondering if I couldn't just replicate this myself.
Could I really do this?
I'm not sure what I'm going to do about it. Besides actually landing a job in San Francisco, I don't think I want to find another job in town. Aside from these irritating events/people, my job provides very good benefits, I'm making enough to live and save a little and it's about a five-minute drive from my house. A girl can't complain about that especially when jobs are so scarce these days.
But despite all this, there's a growing restlessness inside me. One theory is that I've put off my quarterlife crisis for a few years and now it's just busting the door down and shouting to be heard. I don't really buy this though, because I swear I already had my quarterlife crisis (albeit a bit early) the semester before I graduated from college.
Another theory is that this disgruntled attitude has been fermenting ever since I walked through the door. Unlike other jobs where your expectations aren't dashed until several years later, this job doused my hopes after the first week or two. Apparently "enduring" isn't going to be enough anymore.
A third theory, which may be the most truthful of all, is that I'm just a product of my generation. I am not satisfied with an unfulfilling job where there is no communication, collaboration or creativity. I'm not satisfied with simpling doing my part and not being able to make a difference. I don't believe in the self-sacrificing, team-building B.S. that is pushed down our throats when management continues to be self-serving mercenaries. I don't like the top-down style of management and the conformity that is disguised by sprinkles of independence.
All of that is well and good, but now what should I do? For about as long as I've been toying with the idea of moving to San Francisco, another idea has been freestyling it throughout my brain. I've always thought it was completely unrealistic, but who's to say what is or isn't realistic? Society would have you believe only in convention and the normal hum-drum life. But what's "normal" these days anyway?
So this semi-crazy, vaguely irresponsible yet possibly thrilling and life-altering idea that's been passing in and out of my consciousness for about two years now is this: quit my job and travel full time. I don't even know how this is possible without using up my entire savings account. But dare I even think that it might just be worth it? After all, money is only money and can be made as quickly as it can be used.
With this idea constantly resurfacing (especially after bad days at work), I've continually looked for ways to make this happen, even as I tell myself that it's completely nuts. I keep reading blogs about people who have taken a career break and extended vacations. I keep trying to track down and assess how realistic their route, budget and travel distance are. I keep wondering if I couldn't just replicate this myself.
Could I really do this?
May 18, 2010
Corporate Jumps on the YouTube Bandwagon
There's no avoiding it. My company is jumping on the YouTube bandwagon, which means that I'm writing scripts and casting actors from our current pool of staff members to create some kind of viral uprising.
Has Corporate even considered whether this is an effective means to reach our customers? Has anyone analyzed the ROI on this project? It doesn't seem likely. They just want to use today's social media (Twitter and Facebook are just around the corner) for the sake of using it.
So now we're embarking on unnecessary journey with no real map to getting where we need to go. It feels as futile as a uncovering a map for buried treasure and immediately hiring a ship to take me there.
The retarded thing is that Corporate doesn't want to use the media as it is fundamentally intended. The best part about all this web 2.0 stuff is that there's instantaneous feedback from your audience. You get to interact with them immediately rather than attach a note to a pidgeon's leg. However, it doesn't seem like Corporate wants any kind of feedback. They want to continue the old school method of shouting the loudest in order to be heard.
While we are using the current resources available to us, we are not using it wisely. I think we'll just end up abandoning this project halfway through. We'll do a couple videos and then people will lose interest because there's always something better just beyond the horizon. What a waste of time.
Has Corporate even considered whether this is an effective means to reach our customers? Has anyone analyzed the ROI on this project? It doesn't seem likely. They just want to use today's social media (Twitter and Facebook are just around the corner) for the sake of using it.
So now we're embarking on unnecessary journey with no real map to getting where we need to go. It feels as futile as a uncovering a map for buried treasure and immediately hiring a ship to take me there.
The retarded thing is that Corporate doesn't want to use the media as it is fundamentally intended. The best part about all this web 2.0 stuff is that there's instantaneous feedback from your audience. You get to interact with them immediately rather than attach a note to a pidgeon's leg. However, it doesn't seem like Corporate wants any kind of feedback. They want to continue the old school method of shouting the loudest in order to be heard.
While we are using the current resources available to us, we are not using it wisely. I think we'll just end up abandoning this project halfway through. We'll do a couple videos and then people will lose interest because there's always something better just beyond the horizon. What a waste of time.
May 10, 2010
1990s Music & Memories
Ever since I commented on this World Wide Ed blog, I've been clicking around YouTube listening to all the music from that era. I suppose despite my old soul and love for all genres of music, the 1990s were my growing up years.
Those were the days when summer vacation lasted an eternity. It was when somehow, seemingly overnight, a guy you've known since hanabata days became something more. It's when you rocked different colored slouchy socks, hairsprayed the living hell out of your bangs to make the perfect wave and had to get your jeans ripped just so. It was when you had your first crush and first kiss. It's when you watched Beverly Hills 90210 and Party of Five religiously and listened to stuff like this:
or this:
Is it completely sad that I know all the words to both songs? Wait, don't bother answering that.
It's not that I think this music is the epitome of discerning tastes. In fact, I competely admit that it's not. There is a ton of music (even in this era) that is way better than this pop candy. However, it is the music that most reminds me of my childhood.
When I hear this music, I think of how young and innocent we all were back then. Even the lyrics to these songs are so naive . . . or is that just the cynicism I've developed over the years?
Listening to this stuff makes me realize how sterile today's music is. There's no emotion, even from the emo crowd. You can't feel the same angst that you could in the '90s. The R&B songs were the best back then. Despite being sorta mass produced, at least they still seemed like they had a soul. Once the boy bands of the late '90s gained popularity, there was no stopping the slide into mediocre and then lodging in just plain horrible.
Can it be possible that I'm already having flashbacks and reminiscing at my age? LOL These slo jams really take me back.
Those were the days when summer vacation lasted an eternity. It was when somehow, seemingly overnight, a guy you've known since hanabata days became something more. It's when you rocked different colored slouchy socks, hairsprayed the living hell out of your bangs to make the perfect wave and had to get your jeans ripped just so. It was when you had your first crush and first kiss. It's when you watched Beverly Hills 90210 and Party of Five religiously and listened to stuff like this:
or this:
Is it completely sad that I know all the words to both songs? Wait, don't bother answering that.
It's not that I think this music is the epitome of discerning tastes. In fact, I competely admit that it's not. There is a ton of music (even in this era) that is way better than this pop candy. However, it is the music that most reminds me of my childhood.
When I hear this music, I think of how young and innocent we all were back then. Even the lyrics to these songs are so naive . . . or is that just the cynicism I've developed over the years?
Listening to this stuff makes me realize how sterile today's music is. There's no emotion, even from the emo crowd. You can't feel the same angst that you could in the '90s. The R&B songs were the best back then. Despite being sorta mass produced, at least they still seemed like they had a soul. Once the boy bands of the late '90s gained popularity, there was no stopping the slide into mediocre and then lodging in just plain horrible.
Can it be possible that I'm already having flashbacks and reminiscing at my age? LOL These slo jams really take me back.
May 4, 2010
Heart-to-Heart with the Boss
My boss pulled me into his office today for a heart-to-heart about my future with the company. Did I see myself getting into management and supervising people? What types of projects did I see myself doing?
I debated whether or not to tell him I was interested in moving to the mainland, and in the end, I went with the truth. I'm not sure if that'll affect things at work from here on out. However, because I know the company is definitely growing, I didn't want to hinder any progress by being groomed for the next rung in the ladder when I didn't really see myself staying for long. I told him I wanted to move to San Francisco. I had to fib a little by saying it was a recent decision and I haven't really looked into it. I got back on the path of righteousness by saying that I wasn't looking anywhere else locally so it'd basically be SF or bust.
He, of course, asked why I wanted to move and if I had family up there. He also asked if there was anything he could do. He didn't come right out and mention a raise and neither did I. He did thank me for my candor, which I suppose most people wouldn't have at this point. Still, it's kind of awkward I guess. I told him I wasn't moving unless I could find a job.
We'll see how things turn out at work - whether he will focus more time on the department or if our VP will pull me into a meeting. I'm sure my boss will need to tell him of my plans. Maybe they'll throw some big bucks around and try to convince me to stay?
I told my boss that I didn't see myself staying in our field as it wasn't a dream industry of mine. Because of this, I didn't really see myself managing anyone because to be a supervisor you need to be passionate about what you're doing. I'm definitely not passionate enough about the industry to put up with the political wheeling and dealing at the top. That right there could've been a career killer, but I'm not too worried.
By the way, I didn't get a call back from the phone interview place. Instead, I got a TNT (Thanks, but No Thanks) email and they said they'd keep my resume on file. I guess it's back to skimming the job listings to see if there's anything out there for me. I wasn't too surprised, and I definitely wasn't crushed. It's all a learning experience at this point.
I debated whether or not to tell him I was interested in moving to the mainland, and in the end, I went with the truth. I'm not sure if that'll affect things at work from here on out. However, because I know the company is definitely growing, I didn't want to hinder any progress by being groomed for the next rung in the ladder when I didn't really see myself staying for long. I told him I wanted to move to San Francisco. I had to fib a little by saying it was a recent decision and I haven't really looked into it. I got back on the path of righteousness by saying that I wasn't looking anywhere else locally so it'd basically be SF or bust.
He, of course, asked why I wanted to move and if I had family up there. He also asked if there was anything he could do. He didn't come right out and mention a raise and neither did I. He did thank me for my candor, which I suppose most people wouldn't have at this point. Still, it's kind of awkward I guess. I told him I wasn't moving unless I could find a job.
We'll see how things turn out at work - whether he will focus more time on the department or if our VP will pull me into a meeting. I'm sure my boss will need to tell him of my plans. Maybe they'll throw some big bucks around and try to convince me to stay?
I told my boss that I didn't see myself staying in our field as it wasn't a dream industry of mine. Because of this, I didn't really see myself managing anyone because to be a supervisor you need to be passionate about what you're doing. I'm definitely not passionate enough about the industry to put up with the political wheeling and dealing at the top. That right there could've been a career killer, but I'm not too worried.
By the way, I didn't get a call back from the phone interview place. Instead, I got a TNT (Thanks, but No Thanks) email and they said they'd keep my resume on file. I guess it's back to skimming the job listings to see if there's anything out there for me. I wasn't too surprised, and I definitely wasn't crushed. It's all a learning experience at this point.
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