January 30, 2009

Does First Love Kill Your Future Relationships?

I was reading Shauna Goya's Odds and Ends blog today and she posted an interesting blog. A British study apparently determined that your first relationship determines how you go into future relationships. If it was a really intense relationship, then you're more likely to use it as a benchmark for success and failure of other relationships so it can screw you really good. If it's just so-so, you don't look to it as being the holy grail and can proceed through other relationships with more of a level head.

I wonder if this is true or not? I would tend to agree with the study as your first love is your initial impression of what it is or isn't like, right? How can you not use it as a benchmark? Does this mean that people who hang on to those past relationships shouldn't be considered pathetic anymore? They're just very in tune with what they want/don't want. It's almost like their scientific about it.

But does hanging on to the past really hinder future relationships? I think it would only because if you're so focused on the past, then you definitely can't give 100 percent to the current relationship. You can't be half in, half out of a relationship and have it turn out okay. Interesting.

A Real-Life Fairy Tale

There once was a woman who dated a man for 17 years in hopes that they would someday get married. Her someday never came. The man broke the woman's heart by telling her that he no longer loved her. The woman was crushed beyond belief.

Within a blink of an eye, the woman learned that the man was married to another woman and that they were expecting a child. She fell into depression and drank heavily. Life and living just didn't seem to matter anymore. Eventually, she pulled herself together and got on with her life.

Many years later, a man came to Hawaii with his family. Since he knew the woman lived here and he would probably never ever return, he decided to look for her. He only had a very old picture of the woman and knew the building she lived in. Despite this, he went there in search of her.

He asked a haggard-looking lady who was sitting on a bench outside of the apartment if she knew the woman. The lady replied that she didn't but that the woman in the picture would be very happy to see him again. The man thought she was strange and moved on to ask the guards if they knew of the woman. He was referred to the welcome desk where they confirmed that the woman did have an apartment there but was renting it to tenants. He gave his number to them to give to her and left thinking he'd never find her.

The desk attendant called the woman and told her of the man that was looking for her. She was curious as she didn't know who he was or what he wanted. She called the number and discovered it was her love from a lifetime ago (actually a college sweetheart from over 30 years ago).

The man was stunned and elated that the woman called back. He asked her out for coffee and she accepted. They talked late into the night. When the man returned home, his wife was angry at him. With his marriage already on the rocks, the man clung to the fact that he had found the woman.

The man and his family returned to their mainland home, but he stayed in touch with the woman. When the man's marriage completely fell apart, he and his wife filed for divorce. He moved out of their home.

The man returned to Hawaii to see the woman. They vacationed on Maui and had a wonderful time. Eventually, the man asked the woman to marry him. She accepted and began packing her things to join him on the mainland. They anxiously await for the man's divorce to become final. The woman was never happier in her life than she is now.

====================

Unbelievable?
Yes.

Amazing?
Totally.

Slightly crazy?
Definitely.

True?
Yes.

As you all know by now, I'm not really one for romance and fairy tales. I'm cynical and realistic to the point of sometimes being overly pessimistic. But after hearing this story from a friend (the woman is her former co-worker who dropped in to say "bye" before she moved), my inner romantic Pisces self is clawing its way to the surface.

Mentally, I think this woman is out of her mind. The man isn't even fully divorced yet. She hasn't talked to him since college - many, many, many moons ago. How does she even know this guy isn't a psycho? I mean, he did leave his family vacation to look for her. He did hold on to a college photo of her. Does that not bring to mind the idea that he might be off his rocker?

But my heart is saying the complete opposite. This is a Lifetime movie come to life. It's got all the makings of a good plot - heartbreak, love lost, love found, people reunited. It couldn't get any better than this.

So I've been thinking - what would I do if put in this woman's shoes? Would I take the blind leap of faith, pick up and move to the mainland with this guy? Or would he and I just remain "friends."

It's an interesting thing to ponder. The woman in this situation is in her 50s or 60s (not quite sure) and I'm in my late 20s. Does age make a difference? Or does it purely depend on your personality? What does she have to lose? What do I have to lose?

To be honest, if it were me, I'd probably not move to the mainland with the man. But I'd want to. Therein lies the irony that is my life. I'm pretty sure it has something to do with fear - fear of change, fear of rejection, fear of being let down, fear of the unknown, fear of disappointment.

I'd like to think I'm a sensible girl, someone who thinks before she acts. After all, this has gotten me through a lot of things quite successfully. But it has also made me give up things too, things that may have been worth the risk (although, things always look better in hindsight, don't they?). It could be that I just have a morbid curiosity with pain and regret. (I must admit though that pain and regret are truly wonderful motivating forces for prolific writing.)

But, despite this, I guess way deep down inside I still have some kind of romantic hope that Lifetime movies can really come true. I don't know if they can come true for me, but this story about the man and the woman gives me hope. It's only a tiny glimmer, hidden deep inside so no one knows, but it's there.

January 29, 2009

Drive Thru Comedian at Jack in the Box

The other day I stopped by Jack in the Box at the corner of Kapiolani and Ward before heading in to work and was surprised to see that they'd hired a comedian for the drive thru window. Not literally a comedian but a guy who can make me laugh at that early hour does have some skills.

The ordering process was normal, but when I pulled up to pay the SUV in front of me refused to move even though he already had his food. The driver proceeded to have a nice chat with the JITB employee. Hmm, weird, I thought.

When it was my turn, I finally realized why the SUV took so long at the window. The comedian/employee had a bright smile on and was very cheerful. He asked me if I wanted "ketchup, hot sauce, bloody mary, margarita or a massage" with my food. This threw me for a loop because I was just expecting to get my food and go. Normally there's not much more conversation other than "thanks." When I declined the alcohol at such an early hour, the comedian surprised me again by saying, "What about a massage?"

At this point I just had to laugh. As cynical as I am my immediate thought was, "is this guy on drugs?" But no, his eyes were focusing fine and there were no outward signs like twitching or unnecessary sweating. So the guy was just this much fun normally? Could this be?

I pondered this thought as I left and headed in to work. Could someone really be that happy and enjoyable at such an early hour as he worked a drive-thru window at a fast food company? Apparently so. So what was I complaining about being that I probably make more than him, don't have to stand on my feet all day and don't leave work smelling all greasy? Food for thought.

January 28, 2009

The Money Book for the Young, Fabulous & Broke

I recently read Suze Orman's book "The Money Book for the Young, Fabulous & Broke" and have to say that it was quite enlightening. Personally, I thought that I could be making more and saving more but found that I'm actually doing quite well in spite of things.

This book is great for anyone in their 20s to 30s who is still trying to pay off student loans, has credit card debt or is just starting out in their career. I found that a lot of advice was targeted toward people with student loans and credit card debt. Orman's advice is sometimes contrary to what would seem logical (ie. You have credit card debt but don't make enough at work so she advises you to charge your expenses! It's called investing in your future. Who knew?).

Since I don't have student loans to pay off or credit card debt, I guess I'm one step ahead of the game. The chapters that broke down investing, retirement plans and mortgages were really good for me as I'm kind of clueless when it comes to the financials. I would have to say that I'm able to survive because I'm frugal, not because my take-home pay is bursting my wallet.

What was most satisfying about reading this book was that it helped me realize that there are others out there dealing with the same issues. There are others who don't really get how to allocate their money in Roth IRAs, who don't really know how to go about increasing their FICO scores (or even what a FICO is) and who don't know what the first step is in buying a house or car. I guess we're all stuck in the same boat, and maybe that's okay too as long as we continue to educate ourselves along the way.

January 27, 2009

The Proposal

I was clicking through upcoming movie trailers today at work. Technically I'm allowed to since we do list kid movies in our kid newsletter. So, I take the liberty to watch every available trailer there is because you can never tell by just the titles these days.

Anyway, I stumbled upon this new Sandra Bullock and Ryan Reynolds rom-com called "The Proposal." The idea is that she's his bitchy boss from Canada. Her visa expires so she tells the big bosses that they are getting married. He takes her home to Alaska where she meets his family, and I can only assume that they fall madly in love and really do get married.

The Reynolds character is pretty much forced into this charade because of his job. Apparently he has taken her crap for a while as part of his job so why not add on a fake marriage? So how far would you go for your job or career? What would you do to ensure that you move up the ladder and make some of that paper?

I hardly think I'd go that far for my job because of course, this is real life and not a movie script. But, it'd have to be a damn fine job or pay a hefty fee if I did. My worst experiences have been taking inventory in a hot warehouse and carrying boxes all over the place in heels and business attire; being verbally abused by the owner of a company; and being on some kind of factory work schedule where everyone punches in and punches out together. In comparison to other things, I suppose these examples aren't that bad. However, they aren't good either, which is why I've left these companies for greener fields.

Do people do too much or too little these days for their jobs? With this bad economy, should we be doing more to keep our jobs? Should we be putting in an "extra" effort to show that we're valuable employees? How far would you go?

"The Proposal" trailer

January 20, 2009

Hope is Alive in President Obama

Today was a big day for Hawaii and the nation. Today Senator Barack Obama became president.

Perhaps now that the inaguration is complete people will begin to make changes. News coverage of the historical event showed us that people were moved to tears and that many didn't think they'd see the day that an African American became president of the good ol' US of A. Perhaps now that it has truly happened, people will begin to act upon all the talk of change.

I think the nation is ready. I think it needs someone different to lead us in a different direction, to take a different course. Just as Robert Frost "took the one less traveled by," I think America has begun to realize that this choice we've made for the office of president will be the choice "that has made all the difference."

January 19, 2009

Go Speedracer! Go, Go, Speedracer!

I'm happy to report that I FINALLY got my car back from the body shop. You cannot know how thrilled I am to get it back. The only bad thing is that the job wasn't done and I need to go back for them to finish it up. As if this entire process hasn't taken up enough of my time, right?

Despite this, I am so thankful to have my car back. (It's a 2007 Nissan Altima.) The reason I am so happy to have my car back is because I've been driving a Ford Focus for the past month from the rental company. No offense to those of you who drive this car, but may I just ask you why??

I hated this car from the moment I stepped into it. First of all, the seat felt really high as though my head would touch the ceiling. That is completely impossible because I'm not that tall, but the feeling of the height of the seat was just really weird. It's almost as if it didn't fit my body right. I never had a problem with the seats of import cars before.

Another thing that I disliked was that the steering wheel was so sensitive but it felt heavy. It was quite an odd experience. The wheel itself felt like it weighed a ton but just a little twitch of your hand would make the car swerve.

One of the most irritating things about this car was that the cup holders were essentially useless. They were so huge that no regular-sized cup could fit snug into the holder. And with the weird steering situation, your drink is completely at a risk of tipping over. I already wasted an entire Jamba Juice smoothie because of this.

There are tons more reasons why I now know why I don't buy American cars. The drive is just completely horrible. I may be an active contributor to why the auto industry is failing at the moment, but you couldn't convince me to buy one of those cars at this point.

When I got my car back, it almost felt like I was driving a luxury vehicle. How crazy is that?

January 14, 2009

Brotherhood Never Looked Better

I always thought it was a cliche that "good girls love bad boys" but now I'm beginning to think there's something to that saying.

I just watched a surfer doc called Bra Boys. It talks about the life and times of a group of Australian surfers from Maroubra and focuses on the Abberton family. It is an Aussie version of Lords of Dogtown, but way, way better, in my opinion.

Bad ass surfers were never hotter than in this film. (I think the accent adds to the allure.) Covered in tats, street brawling and charging towering waves - these guys are complete bad asses. And nothing is sexier than that. It's as if Patrick Swayze's Bodhi has come to life . . . with an Aussie accent no less! What good girl could resist?

The doc itself is really interesting as it talks about Australia's history and the particular history and localism of Maroubra. Basically, it's an underprivileged area where the only options are death, jail or surfing. The "Locals Only" mentality runs high. In a place where families are often broken and drug use is high, these kids find comfort in each other and in the ocean. Their passion for surfing is evident in everything they do. They have definitely found and harnessed their Paradise.

I definitely recommend this documentary - for the massive waves, great surf footage and of course, the bad boy surfers.

Check out the trailer:

January 13, 2009

Prison Breaks My Heart

I just read that Fox has canceled Prison Break. This just breaks my heart. I started watching this series last year after several friends told me it was a "must see." (This was definitely influenced by Wentworth Miller, as I came to find out.) So I Netflixed the previous seasons and finally caught up. This was the first season I was actually watching the show as it happened. Now this terrible news about it getting the death sentence. Looks like it'll be over by April.

Yes, I realize that there isn't much storyline left once the guys broke out of prison. I mean, where can the plot go from there? The show is called Prison Break for a reason. Also, every time they seemed to be one step closer to freedom, something always blocked their way. Despite this, I'm still going along for the ride. Aren't the other fans doing the same?

It's so disappointing to finally get into a series only to see that it gets the axe. This has happened several times for me - The Ex List, Las Vegas and Moonlight. Darn it, I knew I should've stuck with Heroes.

January 11, 2009

My Goodreads

Recently, I found this pretty cool website called Goodreads, which lets you list the books you've read, are reading and want to read. It's a community of literature geeks where you can compare and discuss books. You can make lists of your top books, write reviews and even get suggestions for new books to read. So far, I'm totally into it.

I'm trying to remember all the stuff I've read before, especially from back in college since I double majored in English and journalism. I didn't realize it'd be this hard, but I suppose it has been many years now. Right now I've added about 91 books, I think. You can see my profile here.

You'll definitely notice that since college, the quality of my reading has dramatically declined. There's a period when all I read was classics. It's hard to read anything else while you're in school - no time to do anything else but study. These days I've been immersed in chick lit. Yeah, not too educational or mind altering, but it's a quick read for me. Usually I can get through a book in a day or two. It's easy and brainless but I like it.

I've also added a widget on the side of my blog that scrolls through the books I've read. You'll be able to keep up with the stuff I'm reading, but it'll probably be more chick lit for a while longer. Reading is definitely something I really enjoy. I can always get lost in the lives of those caught between the pages of a book. It's a great way to escape, to travel, to dream. Definitely a Paradise within reach.

January 8, 2009

Kinetsu Hayabusa and Other Characters

Last weekend I re-watched a teen flick called She's the Man starring Amanda Bynes and Channing Tatum. As I was watching it, I realized that the actor playing Amanda's boyfriend was also the same dude in Step Up 2 The Streets. (I realize what I am admiting to by revealing that I've watched both of these movies, but for now give me the benefit of the doubt will ya?)

Because I'm really bad with names and faces, I got a kick out of actually recognizing the guy - his name is Robert James Hoffman III, by the way. Because I thought it was interesting that this guy was a great dancer as well as not bad looking, I've spent the past couple of days obsessing over him. I'm not saying that I've done any stalkerish behavior, but I have been enjoying his extracurricular activities immensely.

Besides being a killer dancer and choreographer, the guy is a comic genius. I dare say that his homemade vids are better than his dancing and possibly even his acting in major motion pictures.

One of the characters he plays is Kinetsu Hayabusa, the urban ninja. He's dressed in full-on ninja regalia and does all kinds of martial arts in the middle of the city.



Another one of his short films is called "Soulmate." It is totally hilarious because the premise is that he falls in love with himself. You gotta check this out!


Ok, here's the last sample of his genius. It's called "Dancer Face."


Ok, so what's my point? This guy has obviously found his Paradise. He turned his love for dance into a career. This dancing career has led him to acting. (He's in another film coming out in July 2009 called They Came from Upstairs.) He's produced a grip load of hysterical short films that are blowing up YouTube.

So this guy is showing us that it's definitely possible to take something fun that you enjoy doing and turn it into a lifestyle that supports you. Now don't we all wish we could find something like this?

January 7, 2009

2009 in Full Effect

Yes, I realize we're already a good week into the new year and I didn't even get to reflect on the old one. How's that one grab ya? So, I guess we'll just go ahead and skip right to the good stuff.

What's the good stuff, you ask me? I don't think I'll be able to answer that one. I'm finding 2009 just as difficult as 2008 so far. My car is still in the shop. Did I even blog about getting rear-ended? I can't even remember. Anyway, I got hit from behind on Dec. 19. My car's been in the shop since Dec. 22. Still waiting to get her back safe and sound. Looks like it won't happen till Friday or maybe even Monday.

Work is still the same as usual. I still haven't been able to crack the code to happiness there. It's definitely not a paradise situation at all. I know you're supposed to try to find work that you love doing. This keeps you from being burnt out. But, most times work is just work. It's a way to pay the bills. Trust me, if I could find something else to pay the bills I'd definitely jump at it.

With the end of 2008 and start of 2009 already in full swing, I've been thinking about life a lot lately. While on the surface I feel like I've done a lot thus far, I also feel as though I'm lacking a bunch of things too. I don't feel as fufilled as I'd like. The strange thing is that I don't really know what it'll take to fulfill me. Is this just a problem with my generation in general? We have too high of an expectation for everything and everyone. Is this why we can't be happy?

Being happy with yourself and your life should be one of the easiest ways to find your personal paradise. So, why is it that most people find this difficult to do and never truly find their personal happiness?