Knocked Off While Getting His Rocks Off

Who would've thought that the man who played an ascetic monk on the boob tube would die because of a mishap during some kinky S&M sex? You think I kid, but it could be true.

Apparently after more investigating and an autopsy, Bangkok officials think this may be the cause of death for David Carradine, especially since there was no suicide note. Family members and friends all deny that he would committ suicide. No comments on whether or not they think he'd participate in some Thai S&M during his time off the movie set. Interesting, no?

While this is a little shocking (the dude was in his 70s for crying out loud), I find it funny in an almost absurdly morbid way. I'm not laughing about the fact that this guy died. I'm giggling over the way he might've died. Who would've predicted this would be the way they'd go out of this world? Geez, what a way to go. And most mothers are worried that you're wearing clean underwear. How about NO underwear, Ma? How 'bout that?

You can look at it as the absolute best way to go (while doing the deed). Or you can look at it as the most embarrassing position to be caught in. This got me on the train to morbidville and I started pondering how I'd like to die if I got to choose. Here's what I came up with:

1. Kick the bucket in the middle of an ice cream eating contest with a gigantic glop of ice cream in my hand and my face planted in a 21 scoop sundae. Sounds heavenly to me.

2. Dying peacefully in my sleep sounds like a nice way to go. However, I'm afraid I'd start to attract the extended family of roaches who live in my building and that they'd start nibbling on me before my stink alerted the neighbors. Guess there goes the open casket route.

3. Just so my name would live on, I'd like to go in some exciting/devastating/awe-inspiring manner. I'm not really sure how though. Croaking while doing some kind of Evil Knievel-like move involving a lot of rings of fire atop a moving airplane while riding a motorcycle blindfolded sounds kick ass.

4. Being the last person alive aboard a spaceship looking back at the dead earth while hurtling uncontrollably toward the sun sounds like a poetic demise.

5. Turning into a popsicle in the vast lands of Antarctica while exploring icy caverns in the name of science makes my death sound noble and gives me a chance to get jump started once technology figures out how to unfreeze me and jolt me back to life.

So how would you like to take your last curtain call if you had the choice?